Life always throws curve balls into the mix. I believe that are always being thrown at us. We have two beautiful little girls (4 and 1). About a week before our younger daughter turned one, we lost our third baby. It has taken several months for me to even remotely bounce back. School, laundry, and all other housework has suffered. I had become rather depressed. Thankfully, something awakened inside of me. I realized I had not lost a child, I gained a guardian angel. This is the only way that I can think about our unborn baby and have a smile on my face. Most of our family and friends did not even know I was pregnant. I went in for our first trimester ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. The baby should have been almost 11 weeks old and had not developed past almost 7 weeks gestation. That was a very hard day. Especially since I was alone at the ultrasound. My husband had to work and was unable to go with me. He was able to meet me in the midwife's office though. She gave us the heartbreaking news and did her best to comfort us both. It was at that moment I realized that I not only wanted to be a nurse, but I wanted to be a midwife.
Our midwife has a way of just making everyone around her at ease. She never forced me to do anything I was not ready for or wanted done. I declined the second trimester testing with both of my daughters' pregnancies. I knew in my heart that I would love my children no matter if there was something wrong with them or not. She understood and did not try to force a horrible image into my head to scare me into taking the test. That day in the office has changed my life. When we lost the baby, I was going to Indiana Wesleyan University for a bachelor's degree in management. I changed my career path after I discussed it with my husband, family and my pastor. Soon I was enrolled to complete my pre-requisite courses in order to apply for the nursing program at Ivy Tech Community College. I am typing this while I should be studying for my sociology 111 test this evening. *shhh do not tell* In the last few days, a friend of mine has also lost her unborn child in the same manner as we lost ours. I know words can not take away the pain, yet since she is so far away, all I can offer are words of encouragement.
Infant and pregnancy loss is a very difficult subject for most people. If you have never been in the person's shoes, how do you know what to say? Here are a just few articles that will explain how the healing process begins.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-pregnancy-loss_4006.bc
http://www.babycenter.com/0_understanding-miscarriage_252.bc
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyloss/mcsupportingothers.html
Please feel free to comment on this blog post. I do ask that you exercise caution when discussing this sensitive subject. I believe that our child is in heaven acting as our guardian angel. One day I will get to meet him or her and that day will be glorious. Until then, I will dream of him or her.
